Our biological imperative is for certainty. That's why we compartmentalize things. This equals that. Socks, shoes, pants, what we wear on the outside and what underneath. Which plants are bitter which are sweet ... you get it. But we get lost in quick classifications when they extend to people and to our own experiences. That's why when you're having a bad day, failed to achieve abc, it's important to remember your ability to CARE versus the quick conclusions that deem you somehow flawed. When we fall short of our own expectations, or that of others, we can get lost to the reprimanding attitudes that somehow presume, "hah, that'll teach us!". Punishing points us in the wrong direction. Concluding we are the problem only limits all possibility. To CARE literally means to hold some Compassionate Awareness that Relates to what Emerges. This is not fluffy idiot-compassion, a term coined by Chogyam Trunpa Rinpoche. This is a robust ability to be with the Pain of an experience in order to be changed by it. If we conclude we become fixed. This is what we do to ourselves and others, determining forever that we and they will be held in this perceptual box because then I know for certain who and what I and they are. Much more courageous to look into the box, pull out what's in there and see what it has to say, maybe it's hurt, shame, embarrassment, fear, longing, love, loss......but it's here to be known so we can grow, not be condemned into hiding.
Try the next time you are in conflict with self or other or a situation - what is the immediate conclusion about you or them, like when we are in traffic, someone cuts us off, the fear initiates a fight and usually something like, "you idiot!" arises. If this does not speak to you, I have much to learn from you. If it does, experiment with your life and see what happens if you note the conclusion - this = that and then consciously interrupt its mesmerizing soliloquy with:
Compassion - oh baby, what hurts, according to what came before this makes sense, I wish ease
Awareness which is open & inclusive- all gets to be here, everyone at the meeting, all parts of me, no one voted off island
Relational willingness to see, listen, and be changed
Emergence - the essence of this thing called mindfulness, to be with the interacting emergent parts to see what arises and be courageous enough to not control but to care.